The Break Up
by Aima D. Duragon
Summary: After a two year run, Harry and Draco finally reach the end of the road. HP/DM
1. The Break Up

**Title**: The Break UP

**Author**: Aima D. Duragon

**Rating**: This chapter is PG-13 for mature themes and innuendo.

**Warnings**: slash (H/D)

**Spoilers**: SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP, HBP, DH

**Disclaimer**: JK Rowling owns everything, and damn well has enough money to prove it!

**A/N**: So...if anyone was wondering why my stories are currently on hiatus...

Note: This story has not been beta'd.

Another note: If you're looking for a sweet/sappy one shot DON'T READ THIS!

* * *

><p><strong><em>~xXxXxXx~<em>**

_Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie_

_It's the kind of ending you don't really want to see_

_'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down_

_No I don't know what to be without you around_

_And we know it's never simple, never easy_

_Never a clean break, no one here to save me_

_You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand_

_And I can't breathe without you, but I have to_

_Breathe without you, but I have to_

-Taylor Swift-

**_~xXxXxXx~_**

* * *

><p>He felt sick—physically and violently ill, like someone was kicking him in the stomach over and over and over again. Everything hurt. All of it. Every last inch of him. He didn't understand what was happening. All he knew was the hardness of the ground beneath him, and the steady stream of tears flowing down his cheeks and across the bridge of his nose. His own voice was screaming a mantra in his head: <em>Why? Why is this happening to me? Why?<em>

He had been dumped by Draco Malfoy…and he hadn't even seen it coming.

Maybe that was why it was so much worse. Maybe he could've felt differently if he had been prepared. But how could he have possibly been prepared for something like this?

_**~xXxXxXx~**_(Just over 2 years ago) _**~xXxXxXx~**_

"You're looking nice today, Draco."

The blonde raised a questioning brow, but didn't bother to look up from the paperwork he was currently agonizing over. "I wasn't aware that a drunken snog session merited putting us on a first name basis, Potter."

Harry blushed deeply. He felt suddenly very small in the doorway of Draco's office. "Would you prefer that I call you Malfoy?"

"No," Draco replied, signing his name at the bottom of a document with a graceful flourish. "I like the way my first name sounds in your voice. It sounds to me like you're saying 'I adore you', and I do love being adored."

The blonde flashed him a quick grin that had Harry blushing more furiously than ever. The Gryffindor shuffled back and forth nervously, wanting to venture father into the room but at the same time too scared to make the move. But this was it—he had to take the chance now or there may never be another.

"Well then—erm—Draco…would you like to go to dinner with me tonight?"

"I can't tonight," was the immediate reply.

Harry's heart dropped so abruptly that he thought it might pull him to the floor. Blinking rapidly in attempt to relieve the pressure building behind his eyes, Harry turned to leave, utterly and completely crestfallen.

"But how does Thursday sound?"

Harry spun back around quick as a top. Heat flooded into his chest and suddenly his heart was no longer in his stomach but caught up in his throat. Draco was looking up at him now, with grey eyes bright as stars and a smile that had Harry's insides melting. "Thursday?" he said, sounding breathless. "Thursday would be brilliant."

_**~xXxXxXx~**_(2 years ago) _**~xXxXxXx~**_

Harry lay very still, basking in the afterglow of sex, his ears filled with the sound of Draco's light breathing. They were a mess of tangled limbs, still slick with sweat and radiating heat. Indeed, Harry never remembered feeling so warm as he did at that very moment. It was beautiful, and perfect.

Draco sighed dramatically, and gave Harry a soft wet kiss. "So I guess this means I'm officially your boyfriend now?"

"I hope you didn't think that you were leaving this room without a relationship," Harry said, grinning broadly despite himself.

"Oh I never dreamed of it, Harry. Never dreamed of it at all."

_**~xXxXxXx~**_(1 year 10 months ago) _**~xXxXxXx~**_

The night was dark, and the December wind was dancing with flurries of snow. Harry and Draco sat huddled close together by a fire in an old coffee shop, determined to keep the winter chill out of their limbs. Not that they minded the cold much tonight—the snowstorm had scared off most of the usual customers, so they had the place practically to themselves.

"I don't know what it is about rollercoasters that's so different from flying," Harry said, continuing their earlier conversation. "Maybe it's that you don't have control? I don't know…I just don't like them, and…" he suddenly noticed that Draco was staring at him. Harry's heart stuttered, as it usually did when Draco looked at him for too long. "What? What is it? Have I got something on my nose?" Harry rubbed at his nose with the back of his sleeve for safe measure.

"No, it's nothing like that," the blonde replied, his eyes piercing and steady.

"Then…what?"

"I love you, Harry," Draco said the words quickly, all pushed out in one single breath, as if they had been held down for so long that they couldn't wait another moment to escape.

Harry was floored. Of all the things he had been expecting, _that_ had definitely not made the list. "You…you love me?"

Draco's eyes widened slightly, and for a moment he looked confused, like the reality of what was happening was just now sinking in. And then the moment passed, and his features softened once more. After that, a sort of tranquil excitement settled over him, and it seemed to seep out of his every pore. The blonde inched closer to Harry, intertwining their fingers. "Yes, I love you. I know this may seem very sudden, but I do—I love you. After everything we've been through I didn't even think it was possible. After we graduated I thought I would never see you again. And then you waltzed back into my life, so completely unaware of how perfect you were. How could I not love you, Harry? Every moment I'm away from you is spent wondering when I'm going to see you again—every moment you're not in my arms, they ache to hold you. I'm sorry for the poor presentation of it. There should be roses and poetry and all that fluffy nonsense, but I just couldn't keep it from you any longer. I've never been so sure about anything in my whole life as I am this."

Harry's mouth opened and closed several times. His voice seemed to be caught in his throat, and his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. He didn't even realize the tears slipping down his cheeks until Draco reached up to brush them away. How was it possible that this man before him could love him? What had Harry ever done to deserve something so perfect as this? He wanted to burn this one moment into his memory—sear it there so that this bliss could stay with him always.

"I love you too, Draco."

Draco laughed softly, and the sound was bright as the ringing of silver bells. "You love me too?"

Harry nodded, unable to stop himself from leaning forward and pressing his lips against Draco's. "Yes. I love you too."

_**~xXxXxXx~**_(1 year 5 months ago) _**~xXxXxXx~**_

"Seamus, could you hand me that notebook over there please?" Harry asked, pointing across the cluttered table at a journal that was precariously perched on a large stack of parchment.

Seamus reached over, grabbed the journal, and tossed it to Harry, who caught it with ease. "I've already read it over twice, Harry. I don't think it's going to tell us anything we don't already know."

"I know, but there's no harm in a triple check." Harry plopped down in his stiff wooden office chair and opened the notebook to begin reading. He and Seamus had been pouring over this case for months now. Months and months of endless reading, and diagraming connections that were never quite satisfactory. Research and paperwork, paperwork and research; that's all they ever did as fledgling Aurors it seemed. So far, they had hit nothing but dead ends.

A few minutes later, Harry was pulled from his reading by a light knock on the door. The Gryffindor set the journal down and went to open the door. A smiling Draco with a bouquet of flowers greeted him on the other side.

"Good afternoon, handsome. These are for you." He handed Harry the flowers and planted a firm kiss on his cheek.

Harry blushed, glancing quickly back at Seamus before replying, "Thanks, but what are they for?"

Draco shrugged. "Nothing really. I just missed you."

"Oh," Harry couldn't help the infectious smile that pulled at the edges of his lips. "Well thank you again. They're beautiful." He brought the flowers to his nose, inhaling the lush sweet scent. Harry had thought he would be tired of lilies by now, but he wasn't. Ever since he had told Draco they were his favorite flower, they had been the theme of every bouquet he'd received. They were orange today, complemented by yellow daisies and white hydrangea.

"I'm glad you like them." Draco's gaze moved back to Seamus, "Sorry I didn't get you any, Finnigan. They were fresh out of potatoes."

"Up yours, Malfoy," Seamus said, with no real malice.

Draco laughed and shot the other boy a coy wink. He then turned to give Harry a smile that shamed the morning sun. "Right, well I should be getting back to work, but I'll see you tonight?"

Harry nodded, still blushing. "Tonight," he whispered.

The blonde brought Harry in for a slow sinuous kiss that had his insides melting. When they pulled apart both boys were breathless. "Tonight it is."

_**~xXxXxXx~ **_(1 year 2 months ago) _**~xXxXxXx~**_

"Hey, Draco?" Harry said, knocking on the doorframe of the Slytherin's office. "Are you headed home? I thought we could grab dinner."

Draco was currently hunched over a large stack of papers, his quill flying across them with a startling speed. There were dark rings under his grey eyes, and his robes were uncharacteristically rumpled around the collar. Harry knew very well how hard Draco had been working these past couple of months. He was giving all he could to be chosen for a special actuarial position that was opening up in the fall, but the toll it was taking on him was more than obvious.

"Huh?" Draco grunted, not bothering to look up from his work.

"I was wondering if you wanted to eat dinner. You really need to eat something, Draco. It's not healthy to be working yourself this hard."

The blonde shook his head. "Sorry, Harry, I don't have time. I have to get this work done."

Harry's heart dropped like a stone inside his chest. "We haven't seen each other in weeks though."

Still, Draco did not look up. "Harry, please, this is really important. I can't."

"Well when then?"

"Just leave me alone, will you?"

Harry's teeth clenched together so tightly his jaw began to ache. He took a deep breath and blew it back out, forcing the tension out of his shoulders. "Alright, Draco," Harry said, unable to keep the knots in his stomach from bubbling up into his voice. "I'll leave you alone. Happy anniversary by the way."

_**~xXxXxXx~ **_(8 months ago) _**~xXxXxXx~**_

"Harry!"

Harry turned to see Draco standing in the doorway of his and Seamus' office, absolutely beaming.

"I got the position!" Draco rushed forward, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist and lifting him up into the air.

Harry laughed as the blonde spun him around. "I knew you would."

Draco lowered Harry to the ground, allowing their bodies to slide together deliciously before he moved to tangle his fingers in Harry's hair. Harry released a content sigh as their lips met and his senses were saturated with everything that was Draco.

"Oi, get a room you two!" Seamus called from the other side of the room.

Draco pulled away from Harry, smirking. "Only if you join us, Finnigan."

Seamus snorted but smiled nevertheless.

"So, this means you'll be transferred to Oxford I guess?" Harry asked timidly. He was happy for Draco, sure, but secretly he'd been dreading this moment.

The blonde's eyes were still dancing merrily as he replied, "Yeah, I'll have to move—they're wanting me to live on residence. Why? You're not worried, are you?"

Harry tried to make his shrug nonchalant, but he knew his expression was as transparent as glass. He lowered his gaze to the hollow of Draco's throat, where the smooth perfect skin of his neck dipped down into the slope of his shoulder. "Yeah, maybe a little."

"Well you shouldn't be." Draco's hands moved to cup Harry's face, his thumb running soothingly along his cheekbone. "I love you, and I'm not going anywhere."

"That's not true. You're moving"

Draco rolled his eyes. "I meant emotionally you dunce. Don't you think I recognize how perfect you are for me? And besides, we're wizards—why do you think the apparition spell was invented?"

The dread in Harry's stomach seemed to lift a little. "Will I be able to apparate there directly?"

"Well…no you can't apparate directly onto the grounds. But I'm sure I'll be able to meet you often enough. We'll be fine."

"Yeah," Harry nodded, "you're right. We'll be fine."

_**~xXxXxXx~ **_(3 months ago) _**~xXxXxXx~**_

"Draco, it's been over a month," Harry said, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice as he stared at Draco's face in the fire. "Can't I just apparate over for a few minutes?"

The blonde shook his head, grimacing. "No. I've got a huge file to finish up tonight still and I can't afford to leave the grounds to meet you. I'm sorry, Harry, but not tonight."

"But you _always_ have files to finish. It's not like we can just wait for you to have a night off."

"I'll have time off eventually." Draco glanced down, and Harry knew that he was checking his watch.

Harry sat back on his calves and hoped that the tears welling up in his eyes weren't visible through the fire. He rubbed at the back of his neck, "So…you'll tell me when you're free then?"

"Of course I will."

Harry nodded, glancing back at the door down the hall behind which was a large empty room with a large empty bed. Everything had seemed empty for so long now. "I love you, Draco," Harry said, finding that even his voice sounded hollow.

"I love you too, Harry. Goodnight."

The fire flickered and died.

_**~xXxXxXx~ **_(2 weeks ago) _**~xXxXxXx~**_

Seamus sighed as he finished up the last form in his report. "So I think I'm going to go up to Oxford this weekend to visit my cousin."

Harry felt himself tense. He turned around in his seat to glance at the other boy. "Oh?"

"Yeah," Seamus twirled his quill, "but he has a pretty small apartment, so would you mind if I stayed with Draco?"

"Um," Harry felt his stomach churn strangely at the proposition. He supposed it was just because it had been a while since he'd seen the Slytherin, but that was no reason for him to be selfish or jealous. He loved Draco, and beyond anything else he trusted him. "Yeah of course I'm ok with it, as long as he is of course."

Seamus grinned, "Great! I checked with him last night and he said it'd be cool."

"You guys…talk?"

The other boy shrugged nonchalantly. "Occasionally. Not often though—no offence but your boytoy is a bit of a gossip."

Harry tried to laugh at the obvious joke, but found that the sound came out broken. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well I hope you have a nice weekend with your cousin."

"Thanks, mate. I owe you one."

_**~xXxXxXx~ **_(1 hour ago) _**~xXxXxXx~**_

"Harry," Draco said slowly, his image dancing in the flames in Harry's fireplace, "if something bad happened would you want to know?"

Harry laughed nervously even as his heartbeat quickened. "What are you talking about? Did something happen?"

"That isn't a response to what I asked you."

"I—well…yes, I'd want to know. Of course I'd want to know."

Draco sighed, looking anywhere but at Harry. "I made a mistake."

There was a moment then that seemed to stretch on forever. The sound of the fire crackling sounded strangely loud in Harry's ears, and a strange tingling sensation began spreading all through his body. He couldn't feel the tips of his fingers even as they dug into the carpet.

"I slept with Seamus."

At first the words didn't make any sense. They seemed nothing more than an incongruous collection of meaningless sounds. Harry shook his head, trying to clear it. "Sorry, what?"

"Two weeks ago when Seamus stayed with me…we got really drunk, and we slept together."

There was a strenuous pause. "Are you trying to tell me you had sex with Seamus?" Harry didn't believe the words even as he spoke them. It was impossible. He had known Seamus for years. They worked together. They were friends. They had seen each other almost every day for the past two weeks and everything had been perfectly normal. "You're joking right? This is a joke."

Draco's mouth pressed together in a tight line. He brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose—something he only did when he was particularly upset. "Harry, I'm so sorry. Merlin I don't know what to say—I'm so sorry."

Harry was silent. His mind was reeling as he tried to piece together all the things that didn't make sense. But he couldn't. He _couldn't_ believe it. He was dreaming. He had to be dreaming.

"So what…" Harry's voice fell off for a moment, "what are we going to do?"

"Do?" Draco's hand dropped and his grey eyes stared up at Harry, wide with surprise. "We're done, Harry."

Done? Harry felt a wave of bile surge up his throat. "But…I don't want it to be that way. If you just give it some time—"

"It _has_ to be done, Harry. What I've done…it's irreparable."

"But, that's not fair. Why do you get to decide that?" Something was pressing in against Harry's chest, crushing his lungs so he could scarcely breathe. The very floor seemed to be crumbling away beneath him. He was going to fall, deep down into that dark place that had been nipping at his heels for so long.

"Because I have to." Draco's bottom lip trembled ever so slightly. "I can't let you forgive me for something like this. Harry—"

"That's not for you to decide!"

"Harry it has to be this way."

"NO IT DOESN'T!"

Draco winced but Harry hardly noticed. He could barely see though the thick film of tears welled in his eyes. He couldn't think. He couldn't breathe. It felt like he was suffocating. Draco and Seamus. Draco and Seamus. Draco and Seamus? He really needed to wake up.

"Harry," the blonde began softly, "I know I haven't exactly been there for you these past couple months, and I know I've messed everything up, but I want you to know how much I love you. I want you to know that I'm going to regret this for the rest of my life."

Harry didn't respond, just stared into the fire as his heart slammed painfully against his ribcage.

"I love you, Harry. I'm so sorry…"

And with a sudden rush of cold air, the fire shuddered and died, and Draco was gone.

Harry was alone in the cold darkness of his apartment, trapped in a moment he wasn't sure he could survive. "I love you too…" he choked on the words as they came up.

* * *

><p>So yes...this is the story of my life lol. But anyway...sorry if this was choppy or confusing in any way! It was kind of a hard thing to write. But just so everyone knows, Confessions is no longer on hiatus. My beta has the next chapter now, so it should be up shortly.<p> 


	2. The Fallout

**Title**: The Break Up

**Author**: Aima D. Duragon

**Rating**: This chapter is PG for mature themes.

**Warnings**: slash (H/D)

**Spoilers**: SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP, HBP, DH

**Disclaimer**: JK Rowling owns everything, and damn well has enough money to prove it!

**A/N**: Here's the second installment (probably of three). I know it's not what many people wanted to see from this short story buuuuut...yeah. It probably doesn't help that I keep reading all those old Maya fics

Note: The letter at the end was heavily influenced by Don's letter to Betty in Mad Men

* * *

><p><strong><em>~xXxXxXx~<em>**

_Three months and I'm still standing here_

_Three months and I'm getting better, yeah_

_Three months and I still am_

_Three months and it's still harder now_

_Three months I've been living here without you now_

_Three months, yeah, three months_

_Three months and I'm still breathing_

_Three months and I still remember it_

_Three months and I wake up_

-Kelly Clarkson-

**_~xXxXxXx~_**

* * *

><p>Harry was trembling like a leaf in the wind. He curled his fingers around his warm mug of coffee in attempt to steady his hands, but this only served to draw even more attention to his nerves as his cup proceeded to rattle loudly against the wooden table. With a frustrated sigh, he released the mug and glanced around the small café once more. The warm midmorning light was blazing in through the large bay windows, illuminating the smiling faces of the other inhabitants in the room. But none of the faces matched the one he was looking for.<p>

Draco Malfoy was nowhere to be seen.

Struggling not to pout, Harry turned back to his coffee and took a small sip. The hot bitter liquid coated his tongue before sliding down his throat, making his stomach churn.

It had been over two months since he and Draco had broken up, and it had been over three since they had last seen each other. But they'd agreed to meet here today. To talk. Harry knew that it was probably a horrible idea—that there wasn't really anything more that could be said—but he hadn't been able to help himself. There was something in him that had to meet Draco here, today. The mere thought of seeing the other boy again was—

"Harry?"

How many times Harry had heard his name in that voice, he didn't know, but that didn't stop his heart from leaping up into his throat as he turned around in his chair. And there he was—Draco Malfoy—standing in front of him just as he had so many times before, as sleek and handsome as ever. His teal, freshly ironed, shirt showed no sign of the withering heat outside, and his hair and skin were immaculate. Harry cursed inwardly at the effect the sight of the blonde still had on him.

It took a moment for Harry to find his voice. "Hi," he said weakly.

"Hi," Draco replied, his voice just as faint.

"I, er," Harry gestured awkwardly at the full cup on the other side of the table, "ordered your usual."

"Thank you." Draco walked past Harry and took a seat opposite him, fingering his own cup of heavily sugared coffee halfheartedly.

There was a moment then where they simply stared at each other, each drinking in every ounce of the other's presence. Draco's grey eyes glistened with feeling. It was the fragile moment, caught in the still before the storm. They both knew why they were here…and how this was going to end.

"Wow," Draco breathed.

"What?"

The blonde shook his head. "I don't know—you? Just, seeing you here like this, after everything and after all this time. I just," Draco broke off, looking pained, "it's really nice."

Harry swallowed against the growing lump in his throat. "Yeah…it is." And it was nice. But at the same time it hurt—like someone was sitting on his chest.

There was another suspended moment then, and the longer it went on the harder it was for Harry to breathe.

"So," Draco said, "what did you want to meet me for?"

Harry sighed heavily. There were a lot of reasons, but it was mostly because, "I didn't like how our last conversation ended. I—if we aren't going to talk anymore, then I didn't want that conversation to be our last."

Draco laughed lightly, without mirth, and crossed his arms on the table. "You kissed Oliver Wood, Harry. That conversation _should_ have been our last."

Harry felt a swell of unbridled indignation rise in his chest, but he pushed it down. "If you're expecting me to try and defend it to you, you're going to be disappointed. I'm well aware that it would be pointless."

"Good. You're right."

"I know."

The blonde stared down into his coffee broodingly. He still hadn't touched it. "I don't forgive you for it, you know." The line of Draco's mouth stretched down into a grimace. "It was a mistake."

"A mistake?" Harry echoed, making sure he'd heard correctly.

"Yes. We weren't broken up." Draco looked at him then, and his eyes more than conveyed the booming thunder and the flashing lightning of the storm that raged through him. This look had never once failed to make Harry's insides melt, but for some reason, this time all he could feel was ice.

Harry leveled the blonde with a look of his own, filled with every last ounce of betrayal he still felt. "Believe me, Draco, we _were_ broken up. You made sure of that much at least."

"Fine, I'll give you that. But we were talking…things were practically the same as they were before."

That was true. They had been talking regularly over the past couple months, maybe even more so than they had over the past year. It had been Harry's idea to begin with, and it had helped, but, "It was different."

"How?" Draco's grey eyes narrowed as he leaned in closer. "How was it different?"

"Because, no matter how we both felt we both _knew_ that we weren't together! It wasn't the same, Draco! It wasn't…no matter what you say it wasn't the same. And every day that passed with us like that hurt me more than you can possibly imagine."

That, at least, seemed to throw the blonde for a loop. His shoulders caved slightly, as if he were trying to curl himself back into his chair. "Hurt you? But you were the one who wanted to talk. You were the one who asked me."

"Yes, I know." Harry's mouth pulled down into a wretched frown. "And I loved talking to you, just like I've always loved talking to you, but…"

"But?" Draco encouraged.

"But every day, you would talk to me and say all these things, and you knew—you had to have known—that you could've had be back in an instant. You had to have known that I had forgiven you for everything. All you would've had to do was show up at my door. Unexpected. Unannounced. Just, be there one day, and I would've been yours." Harry blinked hard and averted his eyes, willing the prickling sting away. He was _not_ going to cry. "I wouldn't have asked questions, I wouldn't have demanded anything from you. All I wanted was the gesture. After everything I've done for you—all the hoops I've jumped through, all the times that I've crawled to your doorstep begging for your forgiveness—I just wanted this one thing. This _one thing_, Draco. I wanted to _mean_ enough to you for you to do that for me."

"We couldn't have been together, Harry." Draco's tone was even and smooth. He was always like this—so cool and collected even while Harry was like a dam ready to burst. "Everyone knew about me and Seamus."

"And wasn't it you who told me that it's you and your decisions that you have to go to bed with at the end of the night and not everyone else's'? What did they matter to us? Why did you care?"

"Harry…"

"I can't tell you how many nights I sat alone in my flat, just staring at the door hoping—praying—that you would show up. But you never did. And every day I thought: why doesn't he care enough to come to me? If it had been the other way around—if I had done to you what you did to me—I would've been at your door in an instant. So why? Why didn't you come?"

"Harry," Draco said softly, "you know how hard the Ministry works me. I never had time—"

"To hell with the Ministry!" Harry was beginning to tremble now. All his emotions seemed to be surging through his blood, making his head feel light and his stomach feel queasy. "There are priorities in life, Draco! When you look back on all the good times you've had, are you looking back at your job? Or school? Or are you looking back on the times you had with _people_? Merlin, Draco, are you really so blinded by your own ambition?"

"I was going to come! But you put so much pressure on seeing you—telling me how it could be our last time and how you wanted to remember it! I wanted to be perfect for you."

The tears Harry had been holding back finally spilled over his cheeks, hot and wet. "You always have been perfect for me. Don't you see that? I've never cared about what you've looked like, or what you wear—just seeing you is like a light in my darkness."

Draco was trembling now too, and his hands were gripping his mug of coffee so tightly that his knuckles had gone white. He shook his head slowly, "Then why didn't you wait for me?"

"Because…I shouldn't have had to."

After some time, Draco said, "This doesn't change anything, you know. I still don't forgive you for kissing Wood."

"I know," Harry replied, smiling sadly. "It's the one thing you've never been able to understand about the way I love you—you're too proud to understand. You're so wrapped up in these rules you make up for yourself that you blind yourself to what really matters."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that there isn't anything you could do that would make me not want to be with you. Damn the rules. Damn what other people think or say. You can't do that. Or…you won't. Me on the other hand—all I need to be happy in life can be found at this table."

"I didn't know you liked coffee that much," Draco said, flashing a small grin.

Harry laughed despite himself, and it felt strange, seeing as his cheeks were sticky with tears. Looking down into his now cold cup of coffee, he said, "I suppose it's alright though—you not forgiving me I mean. I should be with someone who can love me as much as I love them, right?"

The blonde's grin immediately fell. Sighing, he ran a long fingered hand through his hair, fisting the ends painfully. "I loved you in the best way I knew how, Harry. And granted, I know I made some mistakes in our relationship—some pretty big ones I'd say—but I'm going to do my best to do better in the future. If someone like you ever comes along again…I'm not going to throw them away like I did you."

"He'll be a lucky guy then."

"Yeah…but not as lucky as yours."

"He should've been you. He—he could still be you."

Draco's grey eyes misted for the first time that morning, and his lips parted to reply, but no sound came.

**_~xXxXxXx~_**

Harry stood alone in his bedroom, staring blankly down into the open drawer of his dresser. It was littered with a good number of trinkets and papers—all the things Draco had ever given him. His hand reached out, his fingers curling around a small golden ring. It had a flawless round ruby in its center, held up on either side by two meticulously crafted lions. Draco had given it to him for his birthday last year. He couldn't remember ever being happier than he had been in that moment.

Gingerly, Harry slipped the ring onto his left ring finger—the same spot it had sat for so long. It still fit perfectly. Harry couldn't imagine why he had thought that it wouldn't.

His fingers began skimming over the rest of the contents in the drawer, over notes, and key-chains, and Quidditch ticket stubs. They finally came to a stop over a thick folded piece of parchment. It was a letter Harry had written to Draco only a few days after they had met in the coffee shop. He hadn't sent it in the end—he hadn't had the courage to. He unfolded the parchment slowly.

_Dear Draco,_

_ I'm sitting here writing this at my desk because I can't seem to do anything else. I think about you, and how I behaved…and my regret. I know it's my fault that you are not here right now. I think about tomorrow—where you'll be—and the day after that. I understand why you feel it's better to go on without me, and I know that you won't be alone for very long. But without you, I'll be alone forever. I love you._

_ Harry_

"Harry?"

Harry's heart skipped at the sound of Oliver's voice at his back. Flushing, he dropped the letter back into the drawer and turned. "Yes?"

Oliver was standing in the doorway of his bedroom, smiling. "Come on, we're going to be late for the movie."

Harry nodded. "I'll be right out."

Seemingly satisfied, Oliver disappeared back around the corner.

Heart still pounding, Harry turned back to the drawer. He wondered if Draco had one too. He wondered if Draco ever opened it and thought of him when nobody was looking. He wondered if that drawer was as hard to close every time as this one was. Harry pulled the ring from his finger and placed it back in its original spot. It hit the wood with a sounding thud that seemed to resonate in Harry's very bones. Placing his palms against the wood, he pushed, trying not to listen to the sound of the papers crumpling as they bent beneath the drawer's upper lip.

He hadn't heard from Draco in weeks, and he supposed in all reality he'd given up hope on ever hearing from him again. But even so, there were times when he still caught himself staring at the door, waiting.

But he wasn't going to come…and that was ok.

He was going to be ok.

He was going to be…

The drawer clicked shut.

* * *

><p><em><strong>~xXxXxXx~<strong>_

* * *

><p>Sorry if any of that was a bit choppy...it wasn't the easiest thing to write. Hope it all made sense.<p> 


	3. The Aftermath

**Title**: The Break Up

**Author**: Aima D. Duragon

**Rating**: This chapter is PG for mature themes.

**Warnings**: slash (H/D)

**Spoilers**: SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP, HBP, DH

**Disclaimer**: JK Rowling owns everything, and damn well has enough money to prove it!

**A/N**: So here's the third and final installment of my little story of angst. Probably not what many of you want (yet again lol) but yeah! Hope you enjoy :)

Oh, and also, there's a really good cover of the song below by Alex G if you prefer a female voice.

* * *

><p><em><strong>~xXxXxXx~<strong>_

_You can't expect me to be fine, __I don't expect you to care  
><em>

_I know I said it before, but all of our bridges burned down  
><em>

_I've wasted my nights  
><em>

_You've turned out the lights  
><em>

_Now I'm paralyzed  
><em>

_Still stuck in that time when we called it love  
><em>

_But even the sun sets in paradise  
><em>

-Maroon 5

_**~xXxXxXx~**_

* * *

><p>Merlin it hurt. Was it still supposed to hurt this badly? Apparently time didn't care if it was supposed to or not, because it did. If felt like two hooks had been plunged deep into his chest and were trying to rip him apart. Everything hurt, from the top of his head down to the very tips of his toes. Why was this happening? It wasn't supposed to still feel like this.<p>

Draco Malfoy stood over his fireplace, staring down into the blazing fire, his eyes burning hotter than any flame. In his left hand he held a small card—the same card he had received every Christmas for the past five years now: the invitation to the Ministry's Christmas Banquet.

Draco's hand began to tremble. It was an invitation to the very same place where everything had started. It was an invitation to the place that had led him on this journey to this pain he couldn't seem to purge. Almost a full year had passed since he and Harry had parted ways, yet still these ghosting strokes of conscience haunted him. He couldn't ignore them for very much longer.

"Draco?"

The blonde turned to see Blaise Zabini sitting up in his bed, his red hair disheveled, and his shirtless torso gleaming beautifully in the firelight. He sent Draco a crooked smile.

"Aren't you coming back to bed?"

"I—" Draco's fingers tightened around the card, and he turned his gaze back to the fire. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't keep ignoring this—pretending that he could keep pushing it all down and it would just go away. One thing was certain: this feeling definitely wasn't going to just go away, and it was time he did something about it. "You should get dressed. We're going out."

**_~xXxXxXx~_**

The ballroom was bathed in a warm saffron glow. Twinkling orbs of light floated lazily around the domed ceiling, and the smell of pine and snow dusted the air. Blaise clung tightly to Draco's arm as they entered the room, but his dark eyes were alight as they took in the grandeur of everything around them. A large buffet had been set up along the far wall, bordered on either end by towering ice sculptures of the Ministry's insignia. To the right was a dance floor, and a twenty-four man orchestra. The sweet notes of a waltz currently rang out over the buzz of the crowd, and they sent Draco's nerves into a flutter.

"Oh man!" Blaise hissed in his ear, "Is that Ludo Bagman?"

Draco followed the redhead's gaze and nodded distantly. "Yeah, I suppose so. Why don't you go say hi?"

"You think I should?" Blaise looked up at him, his expression bright and hopeful. There was a time when that look made Draco's stomach flip, but now he found himself forcing his smile.

"Yeah. I'm just going to head over to the bar." Because he was definitely going to need a drink if he was going to make it through tonight.

Blaise nodded, somewhat excitedly. "Alright. I'll catch up with you soon?"

"Sure thing." Draco kissed him quickly before sending him off into the crowd. He didn't even bother waiting to see if Blaise made it to Bagman before he turned and began weaving his way towards the bar. Luckily enough the path wasn't overly congested, and he was able to maneuver his way to the front with only a few glares to show for his troubles.

The bartender greeted him with a friendly smile. "What'll it be, sir?"

"Fire Whiskey. And make it neat." Was his voice shaking? No. Malfoys voices _never_ shook.

"Right away, sir." The bartender poured him a generous glass of the top-shelf Fire Whiskey. Apparently Draco's nerves were more obvious than he thought.

Sighing, the blonde took the glass and gave the bartender a substantial tip—insurance that his hand wouldn't be empty for the rest of the evening. Turning back towards the crowd, his eyes began scanning for familiar faces. Or…one familiar face in particular. Draco scoffed and took a long swig from his drink, wishing it wasn't quite so smooth as it slid down his throat.

_I'm being ridiculous_, Draco thought as he ventured into the throng of people. _I have no reason to think that he'll even be here. In fact there are probably more reasons than not why he wouldn't want to be here. What was I thinking? I should've just stayed home. I should've just—_

And then, out of nowhere, a line of people parted, and there he was. _Harry_.

As if Harry could hear the call of Draco's heart, his head turned and their eyes connected. The blonde felt that emerald gaze shoot straight through him, rooting his feet to the floor. His grip tightened around his glass and he sent the other boy a cool smile. Harry returned the smile warmly, and it was like being punched in the chest. Draco coughed to try and cover up his gasp.

Harry turned back to the person he'd been talking to, and must've said something funny because the man laughed. Then his gaze was back on Draco and he was walking towards him. Every step the Gryffindor took seemed to speed Draco's pulse.

"Hello, Draco," Harry said, in a low intimate voice.

"Hello," the blonde returned politely, silently thanking Merlin that the word had been sturdy and unwavering.

"How've you been? It's been a while, huh?"

How Harry expected Draco to answer any questions while he was standing so close, the blonde didn't know. He was absolutely breathtaking. Harry had always been handsome—never anything on the level of wizards like Krum and Lockhart, but tonight he might as well have been the lone star in a midnight sky. He was dressed in black and silver robes, and his tie was a startling shade of green. It made his eyes look all the greener, like emeralds on fire. Draco suddenly wished he hadn't convinced Harry to get over his loyalty to red and gold.

"Draco?"

Blinking, Draco took another drink. "I've been fine. How have you been? You—" Draco shifted on his feet, "look great by the way."

Harry smiled again, and Draco very much wished that he wouldn't. "Thanks. You too." They stood in silence then, listening to the general hum of the crowd, and Draco knew he was staring, but he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away. He had almost forgotten what Harry had smelled like: the anomalously intoxicating mixture of grass and the wind above the clouds. It made his mouth water to remember all the times he'd inhaled that scent with nothing between them but skin and silk. "I assume you came with someone." Harry said suddenly.

"I—" Harry's words forced his mind back to the present. "Why would you assume that?"

Harry laughed. "Because you _always_ come with someone."

Draco's lips pressed together in a hard thin line._ Yes, and it should've been you_. Clearing his throat pointedly, he replied, "I came with Blaise."

The Gryffindor smirked then, and it was one of those _I know you know what I'm thinking, but I'm not going to say anything just to torment you_ kind of smirks. Draco had always strangely both loved and hated Harry's smirks.

"What?" the blonde pressed, because he couldn't help himself.

"Nothing." Harry shook his head, but he was still smirking, and his eyes were alight with mischief.

"It's something."

"It's just," Harry scanned the crowd, "you came with him the year we got together."

Everything seemed to go suddenly quiet then, as if someone had just stuffed Draco's ears with cotton. He thought back, trying to remember the Christmas party three years ago. It was admittedly one of his more fuzzy memories. "I guess I did come with him." He had failed to mention to Harry that the reason he'd been so keen to snog someone that evening was because he knew that Blaise was hooking up with some random official in the bathroom.

"That seems like such a long time ago now."

"Yeah," Draco said with a breathless sigh. "It does."

Just then the orchestra lulled into a slow two-count. Both his and Harry's head turned. The song was familiar to them after all—they had danced to it exactly one year ago. Smiling, the blonde offered Harry his hand. "Would you like to dance?"

Harry stared down at his hand, and Draco watched the expression in his eyes slowly change from fear to disbelief to amusement. "Alright," he said, slipping his hand into Draco's. It was warm and smooth, and all of a sudden it was very hard not to think about what those hands had felt like as they slid over his body.

Draco drained the rest of his glass and handed to what he assumed was a member of the wait staff. He didn't really care who he handed his glass to because every inch of his mind was occupied by the feeling of Harry's hand in his own as they made their way to the dance floor.

They finally reached the large square of golden maple, and together they pushed their way into the sea of people. Trying not to swallow his tongue, Draco guided Harry's hand over his shoulder, and lowered his own hand down to grip Harry's waist. He dared to pull the Gryffindor in closer than was absolutely necessary, but Harry didn't seem to mind—his emerald eyes danced like reeds caught in a drift. Then, together they began to move; slowly, weightlessly, like they were floating across the floor.

"I told you that my dancing lessons would come in handy," Draco said, grinning.

"Oh yes," Harry rolled his eyes, "one dance a year totally warrants the hundreds of galleons you spent on those lessons. Most definitely."

"Well you wouldn't let me teach you myself!"

"Because you spent more time yelling at me about mistakes than actually teaching me!" Harry said, mirth coloring his voice.

Draco pulled Harry in even closer, so that he could feel the warmth of his breath when he spoke. "I can't help that I'm impatient. I'm used to getting what I want when I want it."

Harry's laugh was like the sun on his face. "You haven't changed at all."

"Either have you." Draco scraped his tongue against his teeth, struggling to contain his thoughts. His hand tightened around Harry's hip. This was it—this was the moment. If he didn't say something now then he may never get another chance.

The Gryffindor's brow furrowed. "What is it?"

"Harry, you must know." It was something of a struggle to get air into his lungs. Harry's very presence seemed to consume him. "You must know that I miss you. You must know that the way I feel about you hasn't changed. And I know I've been horrible to you, and I know I should never have made you wait, but I'm ready now. I'm ready to be the person you need and the person you deserve. Harry…" Harry's expression made the words fall from his lips.

His eyes were wide and brimming with tears, and the corners of his mouth were pulled down in a heartbroken grimace. He shook his head slowly, and pressed back against Draco's shoulder. "Draco…why would you say that to me?"

Draco was floored, and for a moment he lost his step in the dance. He had expected a good number of reactions, but certainly not that one. "I—isn't this what you wanted? Harry, I know it took me a while but—"

"It's not even about that! Draco, don't you understand?" Harry's lip began to tremble, but he rolled it under his teeth and bit it hard. "I waited for you for a long time—longer than I probably should have, because you were," Draco thought he was going to say 'my first', but instead he said, "perfect. But it's done now. You're too late."

Draco's eyes narrowed, searching. "Too late?"

Just then, as if on cue, someone tapped on Draco's shoulder. The blonde to see a young man with dark hair and eyes that were so blue that Draco was quite sure he wasn't fully human. His stomach fluttered when the young man smiled at him. He'd seen that smile enough time on posters and in newspapers, but it seemed so much more potent in real life. "You're…Isaac Kerrigan." Isaac Kerrigan—England's most famous (and most eligible) Chaser.

Isaac winked, "Well spotted, blondie. Now if you don't mine, I'd like to steal my boyfriend back from you."

Draco turned back to Harry and felt his heart drop. He hadn't known what he thought he would see on Harry's face, but it definitely wasn't what he saw there now. The Gryffindor's eyes were shining with a light that was all too familiar, because Draco had seen it there a million times when Harry had looked at him. But Harry wasn't looking at him now. He was looking at Isaac as if he could be sustained just by the sight of him. Draco dropped Harry's hand and stepped back, quite sure he was going to be sick at any moment.

"Isaac," Harry said, floating to his side in one graceful movement. "I thought you were caught up with your rabid fans."

Isaac slid a hand around Harry's back, so casually that Draco could tell that that hand had touched Harry in far more intimate ways. "I was, but then I missed you." He kissed the tip of Harry's nose and Draco felt his throat clench.

He had to get out of here.

But his feet seemed rooted to the ground. Isaac looked him then, and the blue of his eyes darkened to a midnight blue. _Yup,_ Draco swallowed audibly, _definitely not human_.

"Harry," Isaac said slowly, his voice low and rumbling, "is this him?"

"Isaac…"

Isaac glanced at Harry before returning his gaze to Draco. "Merlin, it is, isn't it?" His lips suddenly lifted into a smile. His hand left Harry's back and extended out towards the blonde. "I've been hoping we'd run into you. I wanted to thank you."

Draco stared down at Isaac's hand, fighting to keep his body still even as his blood surged beneath his skin. "For what?" he asked weakly.

"The worst decision of your life ended up becoming the best decision of mine. If that's not worthy of gratitude I don't know what is."

Draco didn't know whether Isaac was simply mocking him or not, but he didn't have it in him to look up and find out. Heart pounding, he turned on his heel and fled into the crowd.

The collar of his shirt seemed to be choking him. He couldn't breathe. Something was rising in him—something he didn't recognize. He felt hot, like he was outside in midsummer wearing a fur coat, and every inch of him seemed to be trembling.

How could he have been so stupid? Had he really expected Harry to wait for him? After all of this time…how could he have been idiotic enough to give himself hope?

"Draco?" Blaise's face suddenly appeared in front of him. "Draco, are you alright? Why are you crying?"

Crying? Frowning, Draco reached up to touch his cheek and gasped as his fingertips slid along wet skin. He really had, hadn't he—he had expected Harry to wait. Because Harry had always waited. But now…

"Draco?"

Now what? He was supposed to move on too? He was supposed to just…forget? For some reason that seemed more impossible now than ever before.

Draco took Blaise's hand numbly, and tried not to think about how cold it was. "Come on," he whispered, "let's go home. There's nothing left for me here anymore."

* * *

><p><em><strong>~xXxXxXx~<strong>  
><em>

_Where have the times gone?_

_Baby it's all wrong_

_Where are the plans we made for two?_

_If "happy ever after" did exist_

_I would still be holding you like this_

_All those fairy tales are full of shit_

_One more fucking love song, I'll be sick..._

_**~xXxXxXx~**_

* * *

><p>Ok soooooo I know that was a little depressing, but what can you do? Crap like this happens. Happened to me...kind of. I'm sure most of you have been there before. But yeah, I promise all my upcoming stuff won't be such a downer. I actually have a couple of cute one-shots floating around in my head, and the next chapter of Confessions is with my beta and the chapter after that is almost done so that's good! :)<p>

**Please review if you enjoyed my angsty mind!**


End file.
